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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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