I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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