I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
