We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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