what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
