Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
