The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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