I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
