so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MIDGETS
????
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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