i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
