If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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