You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
