Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize