Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
