Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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