I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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