I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize