the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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