We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize