I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
