We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
