Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
