You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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