TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
