Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Nicole vs. Life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
