My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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