You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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