Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
