i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
