Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
