My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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