Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
