You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
