Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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