just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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