it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
