we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
