I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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