I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
