Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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