My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
