smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
