we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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