I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
