I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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