Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
