We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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