giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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