so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
