So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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