Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
