When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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