Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
