Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
