Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
