recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
