mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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