i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
