This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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