Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize