was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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