If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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