why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
