So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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