There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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