That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
