I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
