Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Randomize
