I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
