When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
