I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
