dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
