I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
