At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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