i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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