going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
