new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
