If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
