She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize