At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
