I think I am morally bankrupt
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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