Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
