Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
