How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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