Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
