I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
