You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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