Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
