I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
