Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize