did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
