his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just cropdusted the office
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
