...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
