Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Rumble strips road head = magical
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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