Umm I'm too high to move.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
