he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
