Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
