My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
