so explain again why im purple
no
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
