i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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