His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
