If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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