i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There r osticjed everywhere
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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