I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
