he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
