right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
